Fuckwits with Dogs: A Fashion Accessory That Kills
They aren't pets. They are 100lb knuckle-dusters on a lead
Let’s stop blaming the dogs. It is time to talk about the insecure, irresponsible fuckwits who own them.
Recently, a nine-month-old baby boy was killed by an XL Bully in Monmouthshire. Let that sink in. A baby, not yet one year old, torn to pieces in his own home. And what was the response? The same pathetic, predictable script we always get. “The dog was seized.” “Armed officers attended.” “The community is in shock.”
This is not a “shock.” It is not an “unforeseeable tragedy.” It is a logical, inevitable and repeating outcome of a culture that allows insecure, inadequate people to own living weapons as status symbols.
And to every responsible owner of a powerful breed: you will know that this is not about you. You know exactly the type of person I am talking about.
It’s not a dog problem. It’s a fuckwit owner problem.
The 100lb Knuckle-duster
Nobody buys an XL Bully or a so-called “Staffy cross” because they want a gentle companion for their flat. You buy a Golden Retriever for that. These so-called “power dogs” are purchased like flashy watches or neck tattoos: for the look. Yet the look comes with a 500 psi bite. It is a knuckle-duster on a lead. A status symbol for “hard men” and women who want to project intimidation without doing the work themselves. They outsource their “don’t-fuck-with-me” vibe to an animal they cannot control.
And the result is a complete shitshow. Because you have people with zero experience, zero training and zero common sense in charge of a 100lb animal that was genetically bred for one thing: to fight and to kill. And when the inevitable happens, when the “fashion accessory” does exactly what it was bred for, the owner is always the first to start with the excuses.
The “Bollocks” Defence
Here is my favourite part: the report always features the same old lines from the owner or neighbours.
“It is the deed, not the breed.” That is the most dangerous lie in the lot. Of course it is about the breed. A badly trained Jack Russell might bite someone and need a plaster. A badly trained XL Bully will de-glove your arm and kill your child. The capacity for damage is the entire point. A Mini Cooper and a 40-ton lorry are both vehicles, but one can wipe out a family.
“He is a big softie, a nanny dog.” This is the “flowery-dress” delusion. You see it all over social media. People dress up a 120lb muscle-beast in a tutu or a Christmas jumper and claim it is “a big baby” who “wouldn’t hurt a fly.” It is fantasy, until the point its prey-drive kicks in and it rips the face off a visiting toddler. You cannot put a bow on a hand-grenade and call it safe.
“He has never done this before!” This is the single most useless phrase in the English language. Of course he hasn’t. Every dog hasn’t done it… until the first time he does. It is the standard excuse of a “fuckwit” owner who has ignored every warning sign, the pulling, the lunging, the reactivity, for months.
Stories of Fuckwittery
If you think I am exaggerating about the delusion of these owners, look at the case of Keven Jones in Wrexham. He was at his son’s house when an American Bully called “Cookie-Doe” bit him on the leg. It wasn’t a nip. It severed an artery. He bled to death before the ambulance could save him.
The owner’s reaction? She went online to mourn the loss of her “boy”, meaning the dog. She claimed the animal was just “playing too rough.”
Let that register. A man is dead, drained of eight pints of blood on the floor, and the owner is making excuses for the weapon that killed him. To equate the death of a father-in-law with the destruction of a dangerous animal is the height of narcissistic delusion. A dog that severs an artery is not “playing.” It is killing.
Then we have the “Marshall and Millions” incident in London. Two dogs were out of control, lunging at passers-by and other dogs. Armed police intervened. The owner escalated the situation and the police, fearing for public safety, shot the dogs.
The result? A petition to prosecute the police officers gained over one million signatures.
One. Million. People.
We have reached a point where a million people are more outraged by the death of two aggressive dogs than they are concerned for the safety of the human beings living on that street. It is a sickness.
The Real Failure: The Person at the Other End of the Lead
The UK has had the Dangerous Dogs Act since 1991, a reactive law which banned certain breed names but ignored the broader function. The “fuckwits” simply moved on. They stopped calling their dogs “Pit Bulls” and began calling them “Staffy crosses” or “XL Bullies.” It’s the exact same dog with a different label. The law has failed for 30 years.
Because the problem isn’t just the dog. It is the arsehole on the other end of the lead.
If you want to own a powerful, high-risk animal you should prove you are not a complete “fuckwit.” Pass an owner training course. Undergo a psychological assessment. Hold mandatory third-party liability insurance that can pay when your “nanny dog” mangles someone. We have more legal checks for owning a shotgun than for owning a dog that can kill a child in 30 seconds.
Between 2001 and 2021 the average number of fatalities from dog attacks in England and Wales was 3.3 per year. Yet in 2022 there were ten deaths. Hospital admissions for dog bites have doubled since 1998. In 2022-23 there were over 7,400 admissions for dog bites in England and Wales, of which children represent a disproportionately high number.
This nine-month-old baby in Rogiet wasn’t killed by a “dog.” He was killed by a culture of “fuckwits” and 30 years of failed, cowardly legislation. It is not a “tragedy.” It is a predictable, systemic and bloody disgrace.
End It
There are far too many children waking up in hospital beds, suffering facial lacerations, head wounds and shattered families because someone thought owning a macho breed would make them look tough. The statistics are clear: children under five and elderly people are the most frequent victims.
This is not about pets. It is about image. It is about an animal designed for menace being treated like a fashion accessory. And when the worst happens we all say “shock.”
No more.
It is time to say what it is: owner responsibility, and society’s failure.