Traditional Welsh Valley Sleep System™
The System
Go to bed.
Close your eyes.
Available in four tiers:
Basic: €47.99
Includes the system.
Pro: €97.99
Includes the system and a guided audio recording of someone telling you to close your eyes. It is eleven minutes long. There are approximately four instructions. Each one is acknowledged.
Founder's Circle: €247.99
Includes the system, the audio recording, a signed certificate confirming you have been told to go to bed, a sleep tracking journal with one column, and an enamel pin that says "Rested."
Legacy Tier: €1,997
Includes everything above plus a 7-minute voice note from Gareth saying your name while lying down, a vial of sacred Welsh nocturnal essence (tap water from his kitchen, collected after dark), and lifetime access to the private Telegram group where members argue about whether lying awake counts as sleep if your eyes are closed.
Free Bonus
The Traditional Valley Sleep Checklist™
Two items: go to bed, close your eyes.
Available as a Notion template with 14 toggle sections. The first toggle contains the instruction to go to bed. The second contains the instruction to close your eyes. The remaining twelve contain encouragement.
There is also an evening preparation checklist. It contains one item: go to bed earlier.
Affiliate Programme
The Traditional Valley Sleep System™ Affiliate Programme is now open to approved partners.
Earn 10% commission on every referred sale. Full tracking dashboard. Dedicated affiliate support. Quarterly payouts processed in the currency of your choice, subject to a minimum threshold of €47.99, which is coincidentally also the cost of the system.
Simply share your unique referral link with your audience. They pay €247.99 for a PDF they could have written themselves in approximately thirty seconds, ideally before they got too tired to hold a pen. You earn €24.79. Everyone sleeps better knowing they have a system.
Gareth has not endorsed this system. He fell asleep before completing the onboarding. He has since been sent the certificate anyway. He found it on his pillow.